Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize