I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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