Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i've created a new STD.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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