Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
