he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
