I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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