pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
