1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
