I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
