My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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