Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
