I don't remember. Are we still dating?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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