i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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