my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
