Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
