Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
