I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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