I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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