Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
