party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
