you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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