What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
