Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
