I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
