My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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