4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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