Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
