Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
