I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
