Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
