I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
