If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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