my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
