Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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