Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
