Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize