I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
