Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
