batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
