Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drunk is not a location!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
