Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
