I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize