Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
