Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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