Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I want to be your penis for a week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
