Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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