Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
