yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
