Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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