Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
