A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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