My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
