You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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