eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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