she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
