If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
