My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
