you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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