we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
