I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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