My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
