Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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