you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
