Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
