I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
