Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
