Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
