i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
is it fun? or sober?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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