There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
me + whiskey = a bad person
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
