hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
