I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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