So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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