All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
