we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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