Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
