I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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