apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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