I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
