I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
