She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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