I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
