I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
