I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found the puke drawer
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
