none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
