bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
