Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
two words: eviction party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
