my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize