and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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