i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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