felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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