i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize