I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
