Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
