Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
