he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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