so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
