Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
