You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
