There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My bed smells like the plague
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
