Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
