had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
