My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
