Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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