Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Still dying that you shit outside
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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