just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I cut my penus on the lid.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize