Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
