Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
