This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
