I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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