so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
