So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize