I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Come see our sink grown plant.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize