What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
