At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
